Eulogy of a brewpub

A cursory check of the Star's evening headlines left me saddened after reading about the demise of one of my favorite local restaurants.

Sadly, restaurant and retail closings (just like magazine shut-downs) are becoming an increasingly common by-product of a viciously insatiable recession. Yet I felt the need to write a few words about RMB, because aside from offering one of the best hamburgers I've had the privilege of sinking my teeth into, it holds one of my favorite Ryox* memories.

Flash back three years to a cold - no, scratch that - FRIGID winter's day. Jamie and I bundled up and headed down to a River Market packed with hopefuls vying for a coveted spot on America's favorite reality show (well, it's my favorite reality show. And right now, on my blog, I count as 'America'!)

The line snaked around the block surrounding the brewery, and for more than eight hours, Jamie and I stood shivering, making small talk with other prospective contestants. (Ben from the music conservatory at UMKC, I don't know where you are but I hope you're doing well and I regret not exchanging e-mail addresses with you!) Finally, just as my nose hairs were beginning to freeze and break off, we made it To Mecca -- a.k.a. the interior of the brewery.

(Side note: I couldn't help but think that it was kind of cruel to hold Biggest Loser tryouts in a brewery full of the smells of onion rings, hamburgers, nachos and other calorically intoxicating treats. I'm sure the restaurant's owners were doing a jig in the back, thinking of all the business they'd make off the starving and frozen fatties desperate to consummate their new friendships with plates of grease-covered awesomeness.)

So we gathered around in a circle in groups of 12-15. Jamie and I had assessed our competition, and we were ready. The interviewer proceeded with a few questions -- "What's your goal weight?" "Why do you want to be on the show?" The other earnest hopefuls didn't have a chance. Jamie and I charmed and sparkled with our witty repartee, our sincere honesty, and our wholesome Midwestern approachability. In fact, we even noticed the interviewer scribbling notes on our applications.

We left RMB in a haze of ecstatic glee, sure that we would receive a phone call (before 10 p.m. CST) notifying us that we would, in fact, be training with Bob and Jillian on the Biggest Loser Campus. Elated, we headed to The Peanut (how could you not eat wings after that??) and watched our phones. for. hours.

Alas, the calls never came. To the Biggest Loser producers, you lost out on what would have been the greatest and most entertaining duo EVER.

And to the RMB owners and employees, thank you for providing the backdrop for what remains one of my favorite memories. I will miss your nachos, your cheeseburgers, your delicious onion rings -- and your vodka lemonades, which are made with the "secret" ingredient (it's all about pink lemonade!).

Safe travels to that Great Brewpub in the Sky, RMB. I'd lift a glass of strawberry blonde to you, but, you know, I don't drink beer. So I'll pour a Diet Coke out for you instead.

Love,
Katy


*Ryox = a last name hybrid created by the linking of mine and Jamie's last names. It also signifies the permanence of our heterosexual life partnership, which is nearing 20 years young! It's good to be a Ryox.